Contributor Series 11: On Birthdays
I Came In With My Eyes Wide Open
By Elizabeth Akin Stelling
My story is
blindly walking backwards while counting days
September August July to a June bug
early one morning on the sixteenth
a few more days it would’ve meant cancer
we volunteered
were decidedly chosen and had to step over pink tricycles
dodge furry kittens on a back porch
send Sunday sock stuffed patent leather discards
laden with mud and rain
to fill with sadness out in a junk yard
where fears hold down wings
as rain beat down tattered shanties
unlocked screens slammed in response
and an old spirit was inhaling Cuba Libre sunshine
his laughter gave way to birth as shame
brushed scraps of truth from mother’s hair
fate was sealed as tiny hazel eyes awakened
the smell of must and hate
broom bristles sending dust bunny fairies dancing below the crib –
in celebration as older brother and guppies
created flavor profiles for life
and as the boy
was hanging heaven’s crown of thorns
on back road bottle tree sanctuary
a baby’s head lays upon the breast
it’s not wasted on veils and seasick reason
their skinny hands point toward water
where winds blow boat sails further out to sea
let’s skip sunny-sky rehearsal dinners
walk straight through chapel door reasons
white weddings aren’t for her
at times it seems time has been spent
on long days waiting and waiting
for some purpose out in the southern heat
so many turbulent waves could very well sink
a ship to the bottom of ocean grays
but wasting moments on tears
won’t bring back halos
it’s when dawn comes before midnight
you realize all your stupid life or really
just for a little while
young girls are born to dream in summer breezes
to open their womanly eyes
where longing patiently waits
when the lord made this girl
it wasn’t part of a bigger plan
bodies, and the ticking
ticking and ticking and ticking
the other bodies just keep ticking
but her ticking is counter clockwise
and between you and me it’s really just tap dancing
on a young girl’s soul.
Elizabeth Akin Stelling’s most recent poem to appear here was Our Mark, a collaboration with Pasquale Varallo published in January 2012.