I look like I’m 6 years old if I don’t have facial hair

but if I try to grow a full beard the mustache part looks nasty

I’m scatterbrained

that’s why I just noticed that I used “I’m” instead of “I am” in this poem

except for the baby fat line

but that was done for emphatic effect

my neck is really long so I tilt my head down to compensate

I don’t shower every day

my teeth have gaps in between them

I get terrible morning breath even after a nap

my hair looks stupid no matter what I do with it

my jokes offend people

I test the waters when there is a thermometer next to me

If I had studied science as much as I watched wrestling

I would be on the moon right now

none of my hobbies are worthwhile

I give most of my effort to menial tasks

I’m forgetful

I’m not creative enough to come up with any more self-criticisms

I wouldn’t die for me

but it’s okay

when death’s grimy teeth

smile

their sun colored smile

at you 

and 

the realization

dawns

that you are merely

an early afternoon snack

for its barbed wire jaws

remember

I wouldn’t die for you

either

Maxwell Baumbach’s poem 1950s Romance appeared at vox poetica in February 2011.