Linda M. Crate’s most recent poem to appear here was “the wild dreamer, hugger of trees” (April 2018).

not your captive
By Linda M. Crate

beneath the soft needled pines
i found a sanctuary
away from my father’s tongue
cutting as a knife, sharp as winter’s coldest
tooth pulling tears from otherwise
dry eyes;
here his monsters could not spring upon my bones
using my insecurities as a trampoline—
here, i could see the flaws
of his glass house,
and if i truly wanted to i could shatter it;
but all i really and truly wanted
was a love and acceptance he would never give me
as a girl—
clawed my way from misery to misery
hoping i’d be good enough,
but it never was enough no matter what i sacrificed;
so i stopped trying then was labeled lazy and unambitious
i was just exhausted
of flying with broken wings—
he only gave me a gilded cage to live in,
and i wanted more than an ornamented lie
because no matter how painful a truth i knew she’d
set me free;
but he wanted a captive
had to fracture someone with his pain
so instead of breaking the cycle he broke me.