Andrea Varga’s most recent poem to appear here was “I love a man” (June 2018). 

Why?
By Andrea Varga

Why do I still let him
bite his kisses into my lungs
even though I’m bleeding?
Why do I let him
scratch my aching face
for the promise of oneness?

The pretender’s laughing there
at the end of my destination
salivating deceit.

But there I wait eagerly
for the shower of lies
to ease my indecisiveness,
to give me a self
that shakes and collapses at the time of the truth.

To die for is the one that my hands cannot reach.

And I am still thinking of those stars
that dipped their bitterness into my soul
when he was wrapped around me.
I heard the doubt but put my fingers
into my ears
and let his promise into my heart.

His sweetness, his healing sweetness
warmed me and warned me
that I will be embraced at night
and lost by the morning
and be alone again.