Julie Ellinger Hunt’s most recent poem to appear here was Enter Stage Right, published as part of Contributor Series 11, On Birthdays, in June 2012.
The Pre-Divorce Check List
By Julie Ellinger Hunt
put away the reminders,
turn off the switch in my head that automatically
dials your number when something happens.
Replace the piece of me that was entangled in you–
so deeply woven out of habit,
comfort,
time.
Tell the neighbors you are not coming home.
And smile at their pitied faces.
Figure out how to work the lawn mower
without killing myself.
Stop staring at the (semi?) permanent dent
in my ring finger.
Tell the kids I’m fine,
and we are all going to be fine.
Put away the wine and leave it there–
no sense in totally turning into my mother.
Clean out his side of the closet of
the tattered sweatshirts and jeans
he left behind.
Separate the bills.
Remind myself it’s ok to cry
and it’s ok to be numb.
And it’s ok to feel whatever it is I’m going to fee.
Explain to myself as I lie awake
that this is the only way
even though I feel guilty for wanting
a better life, aching to be free of his
control and anger,
his cruel words,
his not-always-nice hands on my body.
Put away the Mrs. for good
and wait for the papers to be served.
Yes! Yessssssssssss!
You go Julie!
Very powerful indeed, Julie.