Audrey Markowitz is a retired communications and training consultant who is now a volunteer mediator-in-training at her local dispute resolution center. She also helps elementary students with their reading. Audrey pursues her passions for making handmade one-of-a-kind greeting cards and writing poetry. Her poem here is an entertaining observation of the way certain rituals change over time.
By Audrey Markowitz
Of all the things to note on getting older …
such as nose hairs and stiffness in the shoulder,
memory lapses and increased gas,
needing to pee and afraid to laugh,
joints that ache and skin that flakes,
the thing that annoys me and the part that I dread,
is how long it takes me to get ready for bed.
The rituals keep increasing,
yet my energy’s decreasing.
And to be in bed by 11,
I need to start at 7.
First the face–it must be cleansed
(Where did I put that box of Replens?)
Then on to exfoliate all that dead skin,
while reviewing new lines and my double chin.
So apply a clay mask–it’s minty and cool,
hide from my spouse cause I look like a ghoul.
Apply all those potions to my face and my eyes,
and of course don’t forget you must moisturize.
That took an hour and I’m still not done,
my teeth and my gums, oh that should be fun.
First I brush, and then I floss,
water pic–avoid gum loss.
Now Listerine for 30 seconds.
ouch that burns–I’m done I reckon.
Oh no I’m not–must brush my hair
find 5 new gray ones that weren’t there.
Get out the dye stick and color each one,
tweeze my eyebrows, I think I’m done.
It’s time for bed,
but I am no longer tired.
All the time that I’ve prepped,
I’m awake and wired.
So I go to make love with my Hubby … ahhh, heaven
but he’s fast asleep as it’s way past eleven!